“I love you!”

I’m sure she thought I was being facetious or just drunkenly babbling nonsense, but I meant it. I don’t love a lot of people — I don’t have it in me — but she’s always been a notable exception. She means a lot to me, and I never get around to telling her that.

“I love you, too.”

That really made my day.

For the first time in years, I decided to stray from my usual desktop image of They Might Be Giants. Best idea I’ve had all week.

For the past couple of days, my inconsequential little town has been the center of attention because — for reasons nobody can really figure out — a couple of scenes from the upcoming film Grown Ups 2 were being shot in one of the stores and in the parking lot. Adam Sandler, Shaquille O’Neal, and I think Henry Winkler have been on the set.

That sounds like a lot of fun, but it has been a nightmare for those of us who are just trying to do business as usual. The bank employees were frustrated that people were parking in their employee lot, and I was frustrated that people were just standing in the street to catch a glimpse of a movie star, so I couldn’t get through. When I tried to return to the bank later that day, I was told that both the street and the sidewalk were “closed” due to filming, so I was not allowed to walk or drive to the bank at that time. I was already having a rough day at work, so this is the icing on the cake. I spent a couple of minutes arguing with a member of the film production crew, but he wouldn’t let me pass. There was a line of cars just waiting to get out but were trapped in the parking lot until the scene was done! Talk about a pain in the ass.

So, in the future, if you watch Grown Ups 2 and catch a very disgruntled-looking little lady in a ponytail, navy blue skirt, crocheted silver sweater, and bright yellow handbag arguing with someone in the background — that’s me! ;)

Happy birthday to my favorite* Nightmare Person, without whom I’d be significantly more nightmarish than I am today. My drinking buddy, unpaid personal therapist, co-troublemaker, and all-around super-friend Huey. I love her to bits. And she has the scars to prove it.

Here’s to another 58 years, you old dinosaur.

“This picture is such a horrible picture of us! I have to put it on the internet!” - me

*— that isn’t either me or Papa Smith, anyway. But you’re a close third, babe, I swear!

I like some pretty awful songs, and there is one awful song in particular that reminds me of someone I’d gone to high school with. I haven’t seen him in twelve years, and I’ll probably never see him again in the course of my life — I’m not even sure what it is about the song that reminds me of him at all.

But, me being me, I asked him if he’d ever heard of the band, and he said no. Now, I’m at the awkward point where I feel obligated to explain why I’d asked him in the first place. There really is no good way to tell someone you hadn’t spoken to in over a decade that an awful song you like reminds you of them, is there?

Dead and dying. I’ve watched this video clip so many times and never noticed this part! I love George Harrison.

I’m always so late to the game when it comes to good television serials to watch. I hear people talk about this show or that show, but I am the type of person who gets “married” to one thing at a time and stays monogamous. That is, until I tire of it and decide to trade it in for a newer model. This happened with Law & Order: SVU when Criminal Minds came along.

Anyway, some months ago, I decided to try being a little more polyamorous with my television shows (mainly because Criminal Minds isn’t always on) and got into NCIS, and then I got drawn into Downton Abbey in the middle of its latest season. I thought, this is enough. I went from watching no television to ensuring I’d be home in time to catch “The Real McGee” marathon.

So, when people began to talk about the new Sherlock Holmes serial (aptly named Sherlock), I thought it was best to stay far, far away. I could not let myself get drawn into yet another program. Before I know it, I’ll be purchasing DVD box sets and considering TiVo so I could record anything I might miss due to atrocities such as work, doctor’s appointments, and being away from the television in general. Besides, what can television do what books cannot? Pfft.

Long story short, I am now hopelessly addicted to Sherlock and am desperate to find a way to watch the first season, all of which I missed.

I think I’m in love.

“I don’t know why people like DiNozzo so much,” Huey said.
“Because he’s the ‘ladykiller’?” I said. “I like McGee because he’s a geek, and he’s left-handed, which makes everything better.”
“It does make everything better.” We’re both left-handed.

Does anybody know what it’s like to be a non-religious person from a deeply religious family?

Each of my parents was raised in countries that are very strongly rooted in Christianity. My mother is especially attached to her Catholic identity, despite not embodying many of the basic Catholic teachings. Ergo, it was important to her that she raise a Catholic family. My sister and I were put in Catholic school from Kindergarten (in my sister’s case, Pre-K) through the 12th grade. We went to church fairly often and ran the gamut of sacraments. I remember being pulled out of school to get professional First Communion pictures taken, and then being coached to lie to my teacher about having been sick, so we wouldn’t get in trouble. Looking back, I felt as though the whole Catholic thing was just a facade — something we did so we could put on a good show for other people.

When Papa Smith and I decided to get married, we wanted a quick civil ceremony but felt guilty about not doing a “proper” wedding in a church, so we made the fateful decision to go through with Plan B. It was during the whole horrible fiasco of trying to get married in the Catholic church (a long story that I may or may not tell at a later date) that I decided that Catholicism and I weren’t a good fit, and it was time to amicably divorce. Simply put, I didn’t believe any of what I was being fed… and I realized that my beliefs hadn’t been in accordance with the Catholic church for a long time. Why keep up the charade?

I’ll tell you why, internet. Because my family would hunt me down and burn me at the stake if they ever discovered that I was irreligious. I call myself a “closet heathen”, but I still believe in God and am actually a very spiritual person. I don’t believe in an afterlife, but I do believe that everyone has a soul, and it cannot die. Once my physical body perishes, my soul will just move on. I think people should strive to be more virtuous — selfless, generous, respectful, etc. — and avoid being assholes to each other. It’s not completely against what Catholics, and I daresay other religions, teach. The part I have a problem with is what has been manipulated and perverted by human beings. We’re not perfect, and we have our own agenda and biases, which permeate whatever we create. People created religion. And the people who happen to be in charge Catholicism believe — and make their followers believe — some things that I simply cannot get behind.

Does that mean I hate religious people? Of course not. Huey — one of my favorite people in the world — is Catholic, and so are most of my other friends. I don’t think any less of them for believing what they believe. We simply don’t agree, and, because we’re decent folks, we disagree respectfully. No one is ever attacked for what they think.

Unfortunately, not everybody is “decent folks”. I know that the majority of my family would not take kindly to having an irreligious heathen among their numbers. Right now, they don’t have to know, so I never bring it up. But I think about the day when we have a sprog, and my mother asks what’s taking so long for us to baptize her/him, and then it will really hit the fan. The one nice thing about being infertile is that, the longer it takes me to have a baby, the further away that day is.

Have any of you had to “come out” as having abandoned the religion the rest of your family practices?